Resolutions are for quitters

I have not quit. 

A lot of people quit this time of year. I have started 2017 with ‘I’, thereby breaking my own ‘rules’right here. 

While every great blog writer it seems has quit this year-my inkwell is still full of uncoagulated blood. I suppose this should mean more room in some invisible Blog-o-Sphere for me, but I am not in some ‘great’ category so it only means less inspiration for me (and admittedly a slimy sinking feeling that perhaps I am about to give up). Neverthemore, I am still sitting here typing away, writing things not read, acquiring more debt every waking moment, and stacking up the disappointment of those closest to me. Towering. 

The main difference between working at invisible arts every single day and a low paying 'part-time' service job, aside from adding to my invaluable social security would include; precious time away from my (Frmr.) Stray Cat (Editor in Large)-resulting in a serious decline in his treat consumption, a total void of fulfillment and complete consuming denial of self and nay-worse? Neglecting my housework. The abode would surely crumble back into adobe. I have thought seriously about the convenience of working at the convenience store down the street, although over-qualified and under-sociable, I haven’t asked about employee discounts yet. 

Discounts would be convenient.  

I wont count it out completely (yet).

Self-improvement is the new Home Improvement this year! No, not really. 

Construction workers and Hari Krishna’s wear orange; mourners and gothic worshippers wear black, and if this has changed-- I did not know. I don't follow trends.

I read the paper sometimes, not online (gasp),-the printed word.
There has been much discussion of anxiety in America, ‘the Age of Anxiousness’ and assorted angst driven angles aimed at the average over react-us animal-I mean homo sapien erectus or some such beast(us). While most of what we term, the ‘lower caste-of average or lower intelligence’ animals don’t consider the future at all (except the immediate basic needs or obligatory next meal) -and we think we are smarter than bears, ha! We are funny. Too funny.
I have plenty of reasons to feel anxious, I could even make more, but somehow I don’t.
On paper anyway, I am nothing, worth nothing, poof! 

I won’t argue- nothing bothers me permanently.

By Olga Rozanova [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

I started to wonder if anxiety was linked to an age in ones life..or our ‘Age’, historically speaking. And I still wonder if genetics plays some role in an anxious demeanor. Certainly, having high blood pressure must make one feel more anxious-even if there may be no external anxiety as an identifiable trigger of stress, we will usually make one and call it justified. In fact, Adam Antsy characters have been fretting about in all recorded human times. Anxiety is not even orange or black nor New Age. From feelings described as angst to raw nerves, some of us spend more time dwelling in these emotive sensations than others, like an obsession or addictive entertainment. 

And with all these nervous nellies in the news I got to thinking and, as you know, I like thinking about things that make others uncomfortable, those things like; mortality, astrophysics, bioelectric chemistry, quantum theories, morality, religion or myths and communism (government), interspecies communications, A.I.,  and many more mysterious beauties like love and the ocean, dust and stars, granite and birds, cats and alchemy...Sorry, I ran away with a spoon there…hungry. Anyway, are we really more anxious than the Romans, than Dante or say Nostradamus or Betelgeuse?  

I ask you to look around at the people you know. Look at your own ‘general’ public and tell me (or just think quietly to yourself)- is there more to fear now than you have ever seen?

Painting by Alexandre Antigna [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

We know more than ever-so there must be more to worry about? 

It makes sense that we are/should be smarter than our ancestors-than our own (great) grandparents-right? 

Is there more to be anxious about now- more so than ever before? 

Global Warming, a big bangable asteroid, natural disaster clocks that tick away, infectious diseases (larger than egos), mass migrations, violence…Maybe yes- may be No.

Is it worse now? 

With all this technology or distraction are we better humans now? 

Do we know more about ourselves, our world? 

I think...we are too easily distracted. Distraction is something we are losing control of.

How long did it take you to read this paragraph? 

Or more appropriately, how many times were you 'stopped', pulled away?  

If you stay focused- I will try to do the same.

Now, back to Anxiety. Yay!
It kick-starts your heart, whips thick cold- blood into a hot quick current, runs our idle a little too high, and steams us internally and that is not even a simile, it is simple physiology. But most often with anxiety- nothing happened-really. This anxiousness is caused most often by our own consciousness.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in stress. I am no  antistressthiest. No, I am certainly not lightening the fact that; work, bills, debts, ills, (all of which are more prevalent), including disappointment, eviction, conviction, election, further inspection, rejection-all these are not trivialities but normality’s of most normal lives. Lackluster and too loveless.

Anxiety. Thankfully, we have pills. We can take the edges off, dull down the sharpness of reality, let roll the bits that are just too heavy to carry, let’s make this go fast and easy. Shall we mix in some addiction? Phizer is all the wiser than we. Did I just think me into this little corner? Trapped (again)! 

You can quit, I am not done (yet).

I can be rusty. I am oxidized. Did you see the date of the last post (here)? 

I have been writing. Mainly poetry and this story that has been with me for a (long) while. Poetry seems to help me, although who am I to judge? Help and relativity.

Let us take a step back and look at a bigger picture (not to make you (or (i)) feel small) a moment. 

Here is Earth. We live (at most) to witness 4 generations of families, the rest we must learn through written or oral dictated History. So, I wonder what convinces us we have actually learned anything over time? 

How often we forget, how frequently we regret, and most often, how easy is it to feel guilty (by choice)?
Yes, I see- you see. Maybe we should do more than feel (more) guilty…am I doing all I can? Shouldn’t I be better? I should, woulda, coulda and poor me…let us dwell on impossibility-O’ Apathy, ennui, where for Art thou Dystopia?

Ars and Ours.

So many of us little buggers are worried about ‘E’-cology and seriously, this is simply silly. I do agree we are destructive little pests, like insects, we share some ansty or cockroach like attributes, but we assign more power to the ‘Anthropocene’ far, far, far, more than reasonably necessary (for egos to grow).
Then, who will record when this age ends? What will it be called and by whom? I am no ‘superman’, and I do love Nietzsche, Huxley and many others that have been called by History ‘gone crazy’, nervous tendencies. Apathy? Not really-until I quit I sit. 

Art by Carl Larsson [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

In all ages of human kinds there have been Wars waged. 

There has been great loss and tragedy while trying to live cooperatively (with erasable gains).  And as we come closer and closer to each other, ‘otherness’ is nearer and at your nape. Respectively, you do not see it but the universe expands-the moon inches away, invisible strings are pulled and plucked from racing hearts and our ears are no longer tuned to the throb inside. Leap seconds and seasons seem off and clocks all tick to cesium. 

Does technology make you anxious? Are you listening? Are you plugged in? Is this thing on? Why worry, we can do it by hand-can’t we? Wait, I forget how…

Shall we start over? Let me see, about anxiety, they are at the worst levels in history…perhaps we should quit thinking about the worst and instead think of likelihoods, probabilities and of projecting our own potentialities, or pretend we know niceties, not just trite trivialities to chime in. Maybe we should fake it 'til we make it. This has worked for centuries. 

I will start now with me, or I.  

I am writing.
Making it (New). 

1st image credit: By Coles Phillips [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

B&W image By Galt Museum & Archives on The Commons [No restrictions], via Wikimedia Commons.

Final image of desk: By National Archives of Estonia (Kirjutuslaud / Writing desk) [No restrictions], via Wikimedia Commons.